Blurry
by Godslayer64
Summary: Would you laugh if you knew? Yeah, you would laugh. But that's okay. I like to hear you laugh too.


Title: Blurry 

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my computer (which I must share with my brother groan) the clothes on my person and my sanity. Sometimes not even that... Square owns all characters, places, objects y'da y'da y'da...

Warning: Shounen-ai. Cloud x Zack.

Summary: Songfic. "Blurry" by "Puddle of Mudd". Cloud remembers Zack...

Notes: Thanx to every1 who helped on this one. I can't remember but you guys know who you are:-)

Another year has passed, and I still can't get over you. It's not the same, you used to laugh and smile - things I don't do now - not without affecting them - and that always used to cheer me up.  
Probably because, that smile was mostly for me.

_Everything's so blurry  
And everyone's so fake  
And everybody's empty  
And everybody is so messed up._

I wish I could just forget you - believe me, I've tried - it would make things so much easier, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm holding that picture of you - the one I used to think was me - and I've got Cid's lighter in the other hand, but... burning that would be like... destroying your memory - which is the whole point of burning the damn thing - and I don't think I could do that.

_Preoccupied without you  
I cannot live at all  
My whole world surrounds you  
I stumble then I crawl_

And it was all my fault, wasn't it? I mean, you didn't have to save me, did you? You could have just left me and escaped yourself, the Jenova experiments didn't work on you, so if you left me, you would have been fine.

_You could be my someone  
You could be my sieve  
You know that I'll protect you  
From all of the obscene_

But that's the thing about you though, isn't it? You can't leave something broken; you have to fix it, don't you? Was that all I was to you? A broken doll that needs fixing?

_I wonder what you're doing  
Imagine where you are  
There's oceans in between us  
But that's not very far  
_  
No... I'm sure I was more than that to you, I mean, why would you have taken me in if you didn't care?  
But you left me, and it hurts, and I know it's the damned Shin-Ra's fault - or mine - and not yours, but when has blame ever made anything easier.

_Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
Well you shoved it in my face  
This pain you gave to me  
Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
Well you shoved it in my face_

It doesn't. Blame doesn't change a thing. Which hurts even more.  
I could blame myself I supposed, but wouldn't that be like, blaming you? I did think I was you for long enough.

_Everyone is changing  
There's no one left that's real  
So make up your own ending  
And let me know just how you feel_

And I wish I could be you. I mean, I'm not me, not anymore, I'm twenty-three now, aren't I? No, I can't be, I still feel sixteen. I'm not me, and I can't be me anymore, so I'd rather be you.

I'm so messed up. I'm even talking as if you were here, and you are. Aren't you? I've got you locked up tight, safe inside my skin.

_Cause I am lost without you  
I cannot live at all  
My whole world surrounds you  
I stumble then I crawl_

See? This whole thing shows how messed up I am. How can I have you safe inside of me? You're dead, gone, never to laugh or cry - not that you ever cried - or get mad or... anything.

You were always there, every good memory I have you're in it. You're even in the bad ones; you were there to comfort me when something went wrong. So I guess they were good memories too, if I was getting your comfort.  
Shit, they were good because you were there.

_You could be my someone  
You could be my sieve  
You know that I will save you  
From all of the unclean  
I wonder what you're doing  
Imagine where you are  
There's oceans in between us  
But that's not very far_

And you always know just what to say, everything you said meant something, even if it was just, "Two sugars in my coffee Cloud!" Everything was just... right, I loved to hear your voice.

And you cared. The first person to care about me - besides my mother - was you. Nobody else bothered.

They never treated me very well, those other guys in Shin-Ra. They hurt me in... All sorts of ways. But, with you, it was something that was okay to do. Sure, it hurt a bit, but nowhere near as mush. And you always held me afterwards, they always just left me - and the showers, they left them on - on my own to cry. You can't cry in front of them, never, then they make it hurt even more.

_Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
Well you shoved it in my face  
This pain you gave to me  
Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
Well you shoved it in my face_

And you always knew what I was thinking, you always asked, if everything was okay, if something was wrong, if I wanted to stop. And, would you laugh if you knew? That those little things meant the world to me? That you cared enough to ask? Would you laugh if you knew?

Yeah, you would laugh.

But that's okay.

I like to hear you laugh too.

_Nobody told me what you thought  
Nobody told me what to say  
Everyone showed you where to turn  
Showed you where to run away_

But... you never told me about you. I wanted to know how you felt. If you wanted to share something with me, if someone had ever upset you and you wanted me to comfort you for a change. If you ever wanted to relinquish your hold and be the cherished one.

Just... to know how you feel.

_Nobody told you where to hide  
Nobody told you what to say  
Everyone showed you where to turn  
Showed you when to run away_

I wish you were here now.

_Can you take it all away?_

The others always worry about me because I think too much.

_Can you take it all away?_

Thinking about what I've done...

_Well you shoved it in my face_

It's my fault you died.

_This pain you gave to me_

And Aeris, she died because of me. But you'll be looking after her.

_Can you take it all away?_

And... I killed Sephiroth.

_Can you take it all away?_

I miss you so much.

_Well you shoved it in my face_

I'm so sorry.

_This pain you gave to me_

Forgive me...

Zack.


End file.
